My So Called Life

I am 26 turning 27. I have been working for more than seven years now. And what have I got to show for it? Nothing much, I'm afraid. Okay. So, I have some savings in the bank. But for someone who has been working for as long as I am, you would think I'd have so much more to show than that.

I just figured that I should be driving my own car by now. Or, managing my own business already. Well, money has always been a problem. I did not come from a wealthy family. I have been supporting my family ever since I started working. This is one of the reasons why I am not able to save a lot. However, I don't feel bitter about it. It's just something I feel I should do.

What I regret is not learning to seriously save money. I only started to save last 1995 through the urging of a friend. And, although I was able to save a lot, it doesn't seem to be enough. Well, it's not yet enough for me to pursue my MBA. This is the reason why I tried to save money. All the while I'm hoping that something will happen and I'll be able to have the money I need. But that something never happened. So, I started to save money.

There are so many things that I want for myself and for my family. And although I have a plan for myself, I sometimes wonder if I can do it. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm reaching too high. Am I trying to reach an unreachable star? It sounds corny, but I do ask that of myself.

Sometimes, I'd feel so desperate for things to happen that it depresses me. Much as I want the world to move faster and for my life to get better, it's just not the way it's going to be. I just have to learn how to run with the rest of the world, at the world's own pace.

When I feel desperate, I sometimes wonder how parents of poor families feel, when they cannot give their children enough food, when they cannot give them good education. I wonder if they feel the same way I do? It makes me more depressed thinking about them feeling that way. I just hope that they can look at things in a better light.

So, how do I cope with the depression? I just think of all the things I've done for my family and for myself. How much better I am now compared to that time when I just started working. I think of all the things that I may accomplish in the future. I may sound pompous but I believe in myself. There were times in the past when I really had low self-esteem, but I changed through the years. I know what I can do once I set my heart into it.

I know that I will have my MBA degree sometime soon. It might take a long time before I get to where I want to be but I'm sure I will get there somehow.

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