Confession of an Anorexic
I am an anorexic. It is not something I am proud of but I know I am one. I am 5'2 and supposedly, the average weight for me is between 110 to 115 pounds. I am only 105 lbs. right now but I feel like I'm so fat already. I'd like to maintain a 98 lbs. weight so, imagine my shock when I learned that I gained seven pounds in three weeks!
I don't know exactly when it started, I just know now that I have anorexia nervosa. I can still remember a time in my life when I don't give a hoot about the type and amount of food I ate. I just took in what I can without any fuss about it. I was not conscious of my figure then.
One day, all of that changed when I saw an attractive and sexy girl and I got envious of how she looked. Since then I have started to watch my food intake and I always try to maintain a 98 lbs. weight.
There are perks and drawbacks in being slim. I can confidently wear clothes that show off my figure and I can fit in a size 20 of kid's clothing with room to spare. People compliment me for looking good and sexy. And I am able to take advantage of Cinderella and Rustan's sales since their clothes usually come in size small.
What bothers me is my constant fear of getting fat. I have a constant paranoia that I am fat already even though I know I am not. I have also developed a habit of constantly inspecting my body in front of a mirror. We don't have a full-length mirror so, I always find it hard to look at my body every night. I always look for telltale signs that I am getting fat. When I do find one, I always bug everybody about it. My litany about being fat makes my friends' ears burn.
I am not trying to insult anyone; I really just can't stand being fat. I get disgusted with myself whenever I lose the figure that I want. Usually, I would stop eating at night and I would eat sparingly during breakfast and lunch. Sometimes, I would skip both breakfast and dinner. I am not doing this to impress anyone. I'm doing this to refrain from detesting myself for being fat.
If you think about it, it really comes down to vanity. Since you have experienced how it was to look and feel good and be praised by people for your figure, you just can't get enough of it.
Some girls might be envious of how good you look when you are slim but staying thin is not easy. The curse of having a good figure is a constant vigil about your weight. I always have to watch my body and constantly adjust my eating habit just to be able to stay thin.
Maybe you are wondering why I haven't given up yet. It is easier to just let go and allow myself to eat all the sumptuous food that I crave for. And yet, just imagining how fat I will be is enough inducement to give me a nightmare. So, I don't really know if there is cure for me. But, then again, do I really need one?
I don't know exactly when it started, I just know now that I have anorexia nervosa. I can still remember a time in my life when I don't give a hoot about the type and amount of food I ate. I just took in what I can without any fuss about it. I was not conscious of my figure then.
One day, all of that changed when I saw an attractive and sexy girl and I got envious of how she looked. Since then I have started to watch my food intake and I always try to maintain a 98 lbs. weight.
There are perks and drawbacks in being slim. I can confidently wear clothes that show off my figure and I can fit in a size 20 of kid's clothing with room to spare. People compliment me for looking good and sexy. And I am able to take advantage of Cinderella and Rustan's sales since their clothes usually come in size small.
What bothers me is my constant fear of getting fat. I have a constant paranoia that I am fat already even though I know I am not. I have also developed a habit of constantly inspecting my body in front of a mirror. We don't have a full-length mirror so, I always find it hard to look at my body every night. I always look for telltale signs that I am getting fat. When I do find one, I always bug everybody about it. My litany about being fat makes my friends' ears burn.
I am not trying to insult anyone; I really just can't stand being fat. I get disgusted with myself whenever I lose the figure that I want. Usually, I would stop eating at night and I would eat sparingly during breakfast and lunch. Sometimes, I would skip both breakfast and dinner. I am not doing this to impress anyone. I'm doing this to refrain from detesting myself for being fat.
If you think about it, it really comes down to vanity. Since you have experienced how it was to look and feel good and be praised by people for your figure, you just can't get enough of it.
Some girls might be envious of how good you look when you are slim but staying thin is not easy. The curse of having a good figure is a constant vigil about your weight. I always have to watch my body and constantly adjust my eating habit just to be able to stay thin.
Maybe you are wondering why I haven't given up yet. It is easier to just let go and allow myself to eat all the sumptuous food that I crave for. And yet, just imagining how fat I will be is enough inducement to give me a nightmare. So, I don't really know if there is cure for me. But, then again, do I really need one?
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